How to Strengthen Your Muslim Marriage

We all know that making hajj/umrah is a way to have your sins alleviated. But have you ever thought about it as a way to tie that marriage knot ever so tighter?

One major tip to strengthen your Muslim marriage is to visit the holy land together. You may be able to say, the couple that makes umrah/hajj together, stays together. It is a powerful journey that will impact your conjoined lives with such spiritual benefit as you are reconnecting by FORTIFYING the FOUNDATION OF YOUR MARRIAGE, ISLAM. Marriages take a beating from financial struggles, the struggles of raising children, personality differences and all kinds of other things. Sadly, we all know Muslim couples just going through it and so many of them don't make it. At the root of it all, we know the Shaytan (Satan) is working day and night to destroy marriages. If you and your spouse spend months studying, saving, preparing and planning for a spiritual journey, imagine how much harder it will be for Shaytan to affect you two? After you come back, you have this incredible purification you went through I suggest this for newly-weds as well as tried and true couples. We were blessed to have gone for our wedding anniversary three times alhamdulilah.

Start Reconnecting During the Planning and Preparation:
The fun starts in the planning stage and you actually connect you to each other as you have something so positive and exciting to look forward to. You'll have a great time perusing Pintrest and blogs together to find umrah/hajj tips and hacks. There's also an app you can get on your phone that gives you a countdown for your trip down to the second. It can be really cute to remind each other of that in the months and weeks before your trip. Here's a link to the one we use. Travel Countdown

There's two significant parts of preparing for umrah/hajj:

1. Setting your heart right for the trip. You know there's so much blessing and forgiveness for making this journey. So it makes sense to start being better now. Start purifying your heart and intentions immediately. Stop watching/listening to things that take you away from Allah. If you have some bad habits like gossiping, work on stopping it now. Here's a tip that helped me. I wrote down all the things I wanted to correct in myself before I made umrah and made sure to pray at the Kaba for Allah to help me with all of those things. I can tell you, it worked because there are some bad habits I had before my first umrah that I have never gone back to alhamdulilah.

2. Gaining knowledge of Hajj/Umrah.   The second significant element of your preparation is studying. You can learn about the Holy Land and the significance of  all the steps to make umrah/hajj. You'll realize a lot if not most of our pilgrimage is about the prophet Ibrahim a.s. (Abraham) and his African wife Hajar. For instance, why do we make Saiee? It won't be nearly as impactful while making Saiee if you don't know the history behind it. A special link to that special story is the well of ZamZam. There's Zam Zam water for free all over the haram (area around the Kaba). The history of ZamZam goes beyond Hajar down to special dreams Muhammad saws' ancestor had about uncovering the well. All that knowledge will yield more excitement and appreciation about drinking it. Also, be sure to learn the etiquette of drinking it and making dua.

Here's some educational and thorough videos to watch together

The Umrah of Prophet Muhammad
Stories from the Seerah Lessons and Morals by Yasir Qadhi.
Fiqh rulings, blessings & practical tips with Q&A - Dr. Sh. Yasir Qadhi

Every so often, someone gives a local lecture on how to make pilgrimage at the masjid.
You can also play some games to test your knowledge of the holy land steps of umrah together.
Watching Youtube videos of other families' trips together is a good way to prepare.

During the trip:
There's a ton of detailed articles on what to do on umrah so here's just a few of my top tips.
Try to ignore any negativity from others around you and don't hyperfocus on germs. Take your precautions and trust in Allah.
Keep your passport in the safe so you don't lose it while you're out and about.
Tips to make it good. If it's your first time making umrah, our advice is to do all you can to get a hotel as close to the haram as possible.
Bring comfortable walking shoes with memory foam.
Try AlBaik Chicken. The chicken nuggets are great and so is the actual chicken. The spicy one has red hot sauce injected in the meat so when you open it up, you see the red throughout the white meat.
Here's an inexpensive internet service hack we learned on our 3rd Umrah trip that we wish we knew from the beggining. Using this will let you have wifi where-ever you go instead of having to wait until you get into the hotel. I'm sure there's others, this is just the one we used and worked for us. Global Wifi for Travellers.

Game-plan to Keeping the Spirit Alive After The Trip: 
Be prepared for some possible emotional ups and downs. Everyone is different so you may not have any of this. Personally, I felt a huge sadness in my heart my last night on Umrah. I also felt a deep pang of sadness when I landed back in DFW (Dallas-Fort Worth) airport. For me it was like coming from a warm beautiful world to a frigid gray cell. It was being in a physical space that actually felt alive with barrakah (blessings) and coming home to a place that felt like zombie-land, devoid of barrakah in comparison. It helps to have a game-plan ready. Don't just come back and go back to the same level of ibadah (worship). Plan to come back and have an overall increase in your amount of ibadah.

1. Get up for tahajjud consistently, even if you only do two rakat just before fajr comes in.
2. Go to your local masjid and pray with the jamaat
3. Listen to the adthan from Makkah and Madinah
4. Study your deen more than you normally do
5. Watch things that remind you of Allah and your deen like the Omar series which is centered on the life of the Second Khalifah, Omar bin AlKhattab r.a.
6. Review your goals before umrah/hajj to help yourself stick to them and avoid old bad habits.
7. Make a video collage of your photos from your trip together.
8. Reflect on your journey together. Try journaling and talking over your highest points. Try to recall your most amazing moments together. You know, there was a time after our first umrah that our marriage got really rocky. I remember my husband bringing up our umrah. Trying to remind me of what we shared together.

Wait! What if We Can't Afford the Trip? 

Here's my best advice for a couple trying to come up with the money money for umrah or hajj.

1. Start with dua (supplication/prayer). Make dua together that Allah invite you to the Masjid Al-haram, the Kaaba. You ask to be invited because those who are making their pilgrimage to the holy land are guests of Allah. If Allah wills for you to go, you will. The means to get there will come. If it doesn't, then it wasn't meant for you to go.

(In italics and quote)It has been narrated from Abi Abdillah (Imam Ja'far Ibn Muhammad as-Sadiq) (pease be upon him) that he said, "Those who perform the Hajj and the Umrah are the guests of Allah. If they ask Him for something, He will grant it to them; if they call upon Him then He will answer them; if they intercede (for others), their intercession will be accepted; if they remain quiet, then He will begin to speak to them; for every dirham which they spend  (in the way of making pilgrimage), they will receive one million dirhams in return."

2. Start an Umrah/Hajj Fund. Buy yourselves a safe at home or joint savings account where you contribute money at least once a month.

3.Go out to eat less often. Skip on buying yourself that extra pair of shoes. Be honest with yourself about purchases you make. Skip the movie theatre and watch something at home. Remember that elementary school economics lesson on Wants vs Needs. Sacrifice of few of your wants for now.
Afterwards, you will always have this amazing memory together. All that amazing ibadah (worship), the incredible feelings you get in the holy cities of Makkah and Madinah will be associated with your spouse. If/when you have some hard times down the road, having shared this spiritual journey to the holy land will be something that pulls you back together. Remember the duas (supplications) you made to Allah while you were there for your marriage and family.

My Dua for You All

I pray Allah bless you with an invitation to the holy land and I pray He blesses your marriages,  ameen. Remember, the whole point is the cleaner your hearts are, the closer you are to Allah. The closer you each are to Allah, the better your marriage will be! So imagine it like a spiritual sandwich. Start with increasing your ibadah. Go make your umrah/hajj together. Come back as a more purified couple and keep up the increase in ibadah!

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